Marriage Is A Gift, A Picture of The Gospel, and Tool of Sanctification
Being a husband and dad have been the most difficult and sanctifying roles that I have ever had in life. They have been the most difficult roles for me because I am a selfish person, and the Lord has used my marriage and family to expose my self-centeredness and to prune me of the self-centeredness that remains in me.
I have been married to my wife Aerial for 21 years and we have four beautiful children. I would remarry Aerial and have our kids a million times over, as they have been a tremendous blessing and a measure of God’s grace in my life. Aerial and I have had wonderful and exciting times together from being newly married, to living at the beach and then moving back to the mountains, to raising kids, and everything in-between. I can honestly say that my love for my wife continues to grow more and more as each day goes by. With that being said, being a husband and dad have been the most difficult and sanctifying roles that I have ever had in life. They have been the most difficult roles for me because I am a selfish person, and the Lord has used my marriage and family to expose my self-centeredness and to prune me of the self-centeredness that remains in me.
A Self-Centered Marriage
Though I would not have admitted it or even seen it 21 years ago, I grew up pretty self-centered. Sure, I would occasionally help my grandparents with something or do something nice for someone, but the chief aim of my life was for me and my personal happiness. This was true in how I pursued jobs, money, relationships, and planned for the future. When we first got married, I loved Aerial, but it was shallow love. It was a love that did not prioritize her edification towards Christ-likeness. I did not have a posture of death to self and a pursuit of life in Christ.
I was not concerned with sacrificially loving my wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). I was more concerned about us living what I thought was the “good life” for married couples - living together, taking vacations, having nice cars, and spending money how we wanted.
In addition, I often blindly saw Aerial as a means to achieve happiness or a stumbling block that was in the way to achieving my personal happiness when she didn’t go along with my preferences and plans for how we should pursue the “good life.” Rarely did I sacrificially love my wife and when I did “sacrifice” it was usually a calculated means to get something that I wanted in return. When she wronged me, I was not quick to forgive and I often kept a record of wrongs in my head. While our marriage was not falling apart, our marriage was not a picture of the gospel and I did not reflect Christ in how I pursued my bride.
A Gospel-Picturing Marriage
That began to change when I was invested in by the pastor of the church we attended while living at the beach. He began to help me understand and apply Scripture to my life, to include my marriage. After moving to Johnson City TN, I began to be invested in by our church family at Tri-Cities Baptist Church, where I continued to grow in my love for my wife as I grew in my love for the Lord. As I was discipled to grow in my abiding pursuit of Jesus, I grew in my love for the Lord.
As I grew in my love for the Lord, I grew in my capacity to love my wife in a deeper and Christ-honoring way.
It was during this time that I first understood that my marriage was called to be a picture of the gospel (Ephesians 5:32) and that I was called to reflect Christ in this picture. In this picture of the gospel, neither Aerial or I were to be at the center of our marriage. The center of our marriage was to be God. The chief aim of our lives to include our marriage was to glorify God above all else (Isaiah 43:6-7; Colossians 1:16), and I was called to lead the way in this for Aerial and I. This was transformational in my understanding of the purpose of my marriage, to include what the Lord was calling each of us to in our marriage. I was and still am convicted by God’s call for me to sacrificially love my wife and to seek to build her up in Christ. I am called to do this regardless of whether she treats me right or wrong, regardless of my personal preferences, and regardless of life’s circumstances. These truths flipped my original goals and purposes for marriage upside down. If I was going to pursue being the husband that God called me to be, then I was going to need to die to self and live as Christ (Colossians 3). I was going to need to die to my “personal kingdom” goals and preferences and pursue God’s Kingdom.
Marriage is a Tool of Sanctification
I am thankful to the Lord for helping me to see the truth about Him and how I am to pursue Him and all of life, to include my marriage. For more than a decade now the Lord has continued to use His Word, His people (the church), and my marriage to expose my sin, to drive me towards Himself and His Word, to prune me of the remaining sin in my life, and to help me see the gospel more clearly. I am thankful to the Lord for the helpmate that He has given me in Aerial and for the ways He has used our marriage to be a blessing and measure of His grace in my life. If you are married or will be married some day, I pray that the Lord does the same in your life as well.
Ponder
Do you see the calling of your marriage to be a picture of the gospel?
Are you pursuing your spouse with biblical love, grace, and unity in Christ, even when it’s unmerited?
Are you allowing God’s Word to shape how you fulfill your role of husband or wife?
If you are struggling in any of these areas, are you seeking counsel from leaders and mentors within your local church?
Book Resources for Marriage
Marriage: 6 Gospel Commitments Every Couple Needs to Make by Paul David Tripp
Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage by John Henderson
God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation by Andreas J. Kostenberger
Jeremy Bledsoe serves both as the Executive Director and as a biblical counselor at East Tennessee Biblical Counseling. He has a B.A. in Psychology from Marshall University, a M.A. in Biblical Counseling from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and is a certified member of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors.
